Are You Willing to Change?

I’ve been blessed. My entire life I have been blessed. But sometimes I feel like I'm being skipped over in some ways, mainly the relationship field. I can’t seem to meet the right woman and I can’t seem to make heads or tails of why. I even wrote a book about love and finding it unexpectedly! I have friends who are the same way. So I had a talk with God and he told me some things about me that I needed to hear. Conversation went a little like this…

“Lord, I don’t understand. What am I doing wrong to keep meeting the wrong ones? Is it me Lord?” I asked sincerely. “Every time I feel like ‘She may be her’ something happens and I'm jarred from that dream. Maybe it’s—“

“Let me stop you right there, lil dude.“ He interrupted me. His voice was calm yet firm but was filled with more love than I’ve ever known. “Royce, you know I love you. I’ve shown you in my actions and my works how much I favor you. I'm still blessing you as we speak. But I can’t do everything for you. What I mean is that I'm not going to bless you with my daughter that I see fit for you when you are still wasting your time. I know what you want, need and deserve. I already have her in mind. She’s in the same position you are right now… waiting. But until you show me in your actions that you are ready for her, I can’t grant you that blessing because you will squander it. I put this in your hands. So go be the man I know you are and I will reward you.”

Now after that talk I’ve been thinking about where to start. Changes need to happen in order to see my true blessings come to me.  So with that being said it is time to get to work. In the past few years I’ve been faced with some serious trials. None stronger than which I couldn’t overcome, but each has taught me something. Something I didn’t know about myself but needed. My dreams are starting to unfold in my life. This chess game I’ve been playing is starting to tip in my favor. I’ve been blessed enough to have the right knights and bishops on my side. I’ve used my pawns strategically to take different Ls and Ws for me. But it’s hard to win the game with no queen on the board.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” This is my favorite scripture. Change is scary. But the right changes aren’t. Time to take that long look in the mirror and accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, you aren’t there yet. You say that you care? Well show me. Stop pushing and pulling. Don’t continue to stretch what can’t be stretched any farther. Are you really willing to change?

A Day Without Superman

I’ve always been a person who doesn’t mind to hear the problems of others. Hell it’s why I got into psychology. Its why when I accepted my job I felt I could help make a change in someone’s life. Something admirable, you know? But sometimes it can be too much. Like my brain is on emotional overload and I need some sort of release. I mean we all have problems. But sometimes you have you to put yours ahead of others. I hear people’s story every day at work. When I get off I'm either receiving texts, calls, or faced with more people in my personal life’s problems. Family, Friends and/or others who shall not be named. Somebody needs you to do this. Somebody needs this from you. Somebody wants to talk about this. I don’t mind it. I love that I'm someone that can be counted on as an ear or shoulder. But got damnit if I don’t need it myself sometimes. But you’ll never hear me tell anybody that. I'm not that type of person. I'm a fixer. I don’t want you to help fix me. Is that making sense? Well here’s my point. At what point do you stop? What point do you say enough and just get lost. Go off on your own and not be found for a little bit. Because you know once you are found someone is going to have something they need your help with or they need to talk to you about. I can’t be the Man of Steel AND Clark Kent every day. Sometimes I am my own kryptonite.  Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I bring these things on myself. Too many people don’t care what you are going through but if you aren’t who they feel you should be they began to act funny with you or slander you in some kind of way. Well that’s just petty and ignorant. Step outside of your own microscopic view of the world and realize that maybe the sun DOESN’T set and Shine on my backside… But that’s another story.. Just don’t pretend that your problems are more important than someone else’s. Be mindful. You don’t know how that person is affected by it. Like the saying goes don’t judge me because I sin differently than you… Well you can’t judge my problems because they are different than yours. I don’t know. But at some point I gotta turn my phone off, gas my car up and take a few mental health days. Hell even Superman had a Fortress Of Solitude when he needed a getaway. Sometimes you gotta put down the cape and grab some flip flops… Say bye, bye to Kal-El.

Who Hurt You??

“Been hurt?” Well so has everyone else. Please take your bitter, scorned ass to see Morris Bart. That
was for the Women who continue to scream how they know there are no good men left, when in fact
good men are the majority. She too hurt to actually see this even though all her friends are married,
engaged or in healthy, lasting relationships. Ok. Now that I got that out the way, I have been faced with
the conversation about relationships and cheating a lot lately. Touchy subject, I know. But here is my
problem with it…. Everybody thinks they are a relationship expert. THAT is what pisses me off. Don’t
bring your “all men are dogs” attitude to a conversation with me unless you are ready to hear that you,
as a female, have a little K-9 in you as well. There is a cycle. I’m sure I have written about it before and
I will continue to until I no longer hear one sided “it’s not my fault” opinions. Since those aren’t going
anywhere I guess neither is me talking about the cycle.
Women think they have a clear picture of what men want out of life… You ever want to hear me laugh
really hard? Tell me what you think, as a woman, what MEN want out of life. Please do! I might need
a good laugh that day. But here is the question I post to you. How is it possible for you to tell me what
I want out of life, when you don’t know what you want? And some for that matter, who you are! That
goes for men too. Hell we seldom know what the hell we want out of life until specific events happen in
our lives that may lead us in a certain path. So keep that “All men” out of any opening statement. I will
never say “all women” before I say anything. I haven’t met all women. I would love to one day though.
That way I could get a better sample size to see if in fact, majority of women do think the same on a lot
of issues.
Now. We all are at fault in this cycle and who knows where it starts. Boy meets girl. Girl hurts boy. Boy
goes on to hurt another girl. That girl goes on to hurt another boy… so on and so forth. See? A cycle. And
A vicious one at that. But there are strides that we can take to eliminate that cycle. But we can only get
out of it if we work together. Men and women because let’s face it… we need each other. If we don’t
work together it will always be there and the pain of that cycle will fall on our children and our children’s
children.
A lot of men cheat and so do a lot of women. That’s not going to change. Statistics show it. But not all
men and not all women. So ladies/fellas if you find yourself being involved with a cheater, the decision
now is yours to stay and work it out or leave! Maybe it’s just me but if a woman cheats on me, I’m sorry
but there isn’t anything you can tell me that will make me forget. I’ll forgive you because forgiveness is
divine, but I’m not going to stay with you so I can wonder what did you really do on your lunch break or
what did you really go do on that trip with your line sisters. “Baby, why there ain’t no instagram pics of
y’all trip?” Nope. Not Six-5.
But seriously, whatever you decide to do, take responsibility for your action and don’t bring it into the
next relationship. Then you will be adding to the cycle. And don’t let your past linger… WHY?? That may
be the biggest fault of us all. We meet someone new that may be great for us. But we can’t let go of the
pain of who hurt us in the past so now your ex, not only ruined THAT relationship but now messed up
your next attempt at happiness. It’s like when a football team loses a big game and the effects of that
loss cause them to lose the next game to a team that should have been an easy win. Don’t let one team
beat you twice.

]*Deuces*

Happy Halloween Ghouls and Gals!!

Dear Summer

Hey Summer…
I know you gon’ miss me….
Because ima damn sure miss you. But real talk? You really a big bitch for leaving me the flu…
That don’t change how I feel about you because my love for you is real. Even though you aren’t mine to
keep and I already knew the deal… from the moment I told you hi.
I offered to buy you a beer. We traveled all over together taking pictures everywhere.
I kissed you every chance I got, stolen or given freely. But now it’s the dreams of those stolen moments
which from I’m begging you to free me.
We learned a lot from each other this year, whether I wanted to or not.
From the laughs, the fights, the good times with my people even to the DUI that I got.
And no I can’t put that on you… But you where there through it all. So I know you gonna be mad when I
tell you I can’t bring you with me into the fall.
I hope one day you will learn that no matter how many tops you put them on, there really is NO
message at the end of the bottle.
And that I know I’ve had my fair share too. So I am in no shape a role model...
But I care enough to let you know. That, in itself is why I gotta let you go.
So now I blow out the rest of these feelings for you with the cloud of smoke from the clove I puff.
Because once you realize what we had was what it was… well shit… getting over it ain’t that tough.
I admit I didn’t know that saying goodbye to you would have to be so rough. But knowing that the
decision is what’s for the best, has shown me that what I have doing is enough.
And frankly ma, You got too many people who love you and I ain’t trying to wife no slut.
Partying, acting wild, getting too drunk, it’s evident that these hoes really do be acting up... And we all be
letting em.
Yeah I got God’s son in my heart but, his level of forgiveness, I don’t have that much. Yeah He saw past
Mary Magdalene’s faults and she was loose… facts is facts.
Does mean I gotta do the same??
Nah… Hov did that so hopefully I wouldn’t have to go through that.
Now the fact that I know ima see you again gives me some solace,
That this isn’t goodbye but more of a “see you later”.
We were tight this year, but we had our battles like Zack Morris and AC Slater.
The love I have for you is something that I will carry on into the next seasons.
From the G.O.O.D music you gave me to the women I courted for no true rhyme or reason.
But it’s time to slow down like a Bobby V. song. The sins I committed with you, in this new day I cant do
the same wrongs.
All the accolades and success that I received with you, The good times i had, the money I blew. Meeting
interesting new people everywhere I flew, to only come back home to lay in bed with you…It cant go on.
So goodbye for now and please don’t cry for me. Just show me the same love when I see you again.
Take some new losses and share some new wins.
Share the same laughs, spend some more ends.
And most importantly, give me that same kiss that made us more than friends.
         Later, Summer.

What's Your Worth?

Ever felt disrespected? Ever felt like some people you care about don’t place you or treat you like you deserve to be treated? If you find yourself feeling this way then you should really stop and look at the person having the feelings. What are you doing to make sure that those feelings aren’t true? People are only going to give what they get. Most people will treat you exactly how you show them you deserve to be treated. If you are comfortable being second fiddle, then you will be treated as such. It’s your job to stand on what you feel you deserve and nobody else’s. This is simply called “knowing your worth.”

In a lifetime we will meet people who will be in our lives and who will love and respect us genuinely. They might be friends, family, coworkers, and girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses, etc. But through all of this there is one constant… You. You are the one who has been there through all YOUR hard times. YOUR successes. YOUR failures. How can anyone, other than who looks back at you in the mirror, tell or show you they know more of what you deserve than you? Impossible. Unless that’s what you put up with.

It really boils down to what we accept and from who we accept it. If you put up with it, you deserve it. Well at least that’s what it’s going to look like. God doesn’t want that for you and neither do I. Your manager continues to drop work on your desk that is way below your pay grade? Your love interest continues to choose to go out with his/her friends and see you when it’s convenient?  Family continues to use you? Yeah. Change it! Give those files back. Stop being available for the convenient times. Stop giving they asses shit they ask for! If every time I look around a family member had a hand out I’d move to Alaska. Straight up. KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Most importantly, don’t think you are alone in this issue. It happens to everyone especially in relationships. Don’t let someone make you second guess you or your heart. You should never give someone else that much power over you. But we make excuses for those we like/love. Our friends will tell us what we are doing wrong or whats wrong with that situation, but we won’t see it. We will turn a blind eye to anything other than what we want and believe we’ve found in that person. Even when we are completely wrong and you know deep down that you are giving a lot and receiving a little. Sound like you yet? Ok…

Now here is were the gut check comes and you don’t know where it comes from. Maybe a friend finally got through. Or maybe it is from some random epiphany or moment of complete clarity. Who knows. But it’s when you ask yourself “When am I going to finally get tired of giving my all and getting half of nothing?” I can’t tell you that. But that is normally when the change comes. You start to remember who you are. You stop praying to God to fix THEM and you start asking for remembrance of the person you used to be. Then, it begins to get easier. As long as you love yourself with an agape kind of love, no one can show you anything other than what you deserve. Your family might start appreciating you more. The right Job might come along because you shined through in that interview. The right person will see that light in you. Now, that 100% you have been giving will finally get you the reciprocity you deserve. All this because of what you already knew. How much you really are worth.

Fin.

Gravity

Everybody has one person that they love spending their time with on a constant basis. Whenever one or the other is free, you try to get away for lunch or a late night breakfast or something like that. You do it just because you really want to spend time with that person. It can be a feeling of infatuation or mutual appreciation of the others company. It may even be a genuine “like” factor there. But… you ever find yourself caught up in that person? Like something is pulling you faster than you can stop it? It’s called Gravity.

Gravity is defined as “a natural phenomenon by which physical bodies attract with a force proportional to their masses.” That is deep enough in itself.smh But when that happens, that’s when it gets hard. Say the feelings aren’t necessarily mutual, like you may feel a bit more strongly for them than they do for you. Now, that’s not to say they don’t appreciate the time with you, I’m merely saying they aren’t as far along in the infatuation as you are. You are now stuck thinking of that person constantly. You long to be near them. To see that smile; hold that hand. You’re caught in their Gravitational pull.

Simply saying, don’t let gravity catch you and pull you into to someone who isn’t willing to be pulled into yours. Gravity is tough. Hard to escape. It keeps you grounded and centered in that object. Sometimes this isn’t always bad. Sometimes you want to be there because that person can be warm, loving and giving. That’s a good space to be caught in. You can grow there. and I’m sure they feel the same about yours. But some are cold and dank. There’s no room to grow. No room for the warmth of a smile to fly through and it keeps you down. Your days are spent thinking about a person who isn’t thinking about you. That’s bad space. Not your fault though. You sometimes don’t know you are there until it’s too late. You are already stuck.

I’ve taken residence in several gravitation climates. The good ones go, and the bad ones are hard to escape. Hard because you want more from them. More than they are willing to give. Of course that makes you want to venture farther into that person, thus, sucking you deeper into that bad gravity. Trust me. When you fail, don’t feel bad. That is a gravity that has taken far better than you. Stay away because when you are stuck, you are stuck. Run away while you still can before your body gets too heavy to escape.
Trust me… you’d rather walk on your own weightless moon than be grounded inside a cold, dry gravity.

Royce.
      5/9/2012

Keep talkin'....

Sometimes … the somber soul that safely dwells within,

 can breathe the sweetest sigh of relief at the sight of relevance.

Encaged excitement, forced to be held in.

Once released flies freely like the path of the blowing wind.

So how is that a sin?...

When I choose to do what I must do to win.

Please retreat from my oxygen, trying to box me in.

I distinguish your meager personas which is so sickening,

From the benevolent beauty beneath that is truly listening.

A swift slice from my verbal katana blade can cut you under the chin,

Words make deep incisions, your sweat and blood create a special blend.

Who are you to pass judgment, because my creator, I just talked to him.

He told me to laugh in your face for adversity is my forever friend.

Those who are jealous of you are not happy with what’s in them,

So Leave those to me, your Protector until the end.

Now I can offer you 2 choices like the red pill or the blue pill then,

Will either awake you, or leave you to your own intentions.

But are you so emotionally poor that you cant afford to pay attention?

To the fact that your so called best friend you claim to love is missing?

Not in the literal, but the metaphoric meaning of the term missing,

For just a kind word from a saint or earthly savior he is wishing.

But that, in itself is his own failure that he cant win in.

Because you cant expect sainthood in any creatures, men or women.

It’s senseless to look for God-Like action in those without his comprehension.

We are all flawed.

To expect otherwise can be frowned upon and condemning.

When you need to be saved you look to God, not humans amongst the living.

Its obvious. To see over the trees you use a giraffe and not a lemming.

I often notice that your mentality is one of extreme banality.

Your mundane existence, im sure, is placed here to bother me.

In an effort for equality, I extend a helping eye to see,

Your faults, for to stay uninvested would be hardhearted of me.

So I will continue to try to be,

Everything you thought you ever saw inside of me.

The kind heart, giving, crusader in the fight against mediocrity.

But those who worship ignorance refuse to let my anger rest.

So again I take up arm and cause destruction and utter duress.

Only to never lift a finger, for my words hit targets with precision, then bless.

Here lies a never ending body count, Never excepting anything less.

I run circles through you mind fields touching every nerve and sense in the place.

Your grammatical legs are too short to catch up in this turtle race.

Im at the finish line, enjoying every tasty morsel of anguish on your face.

Hopping you choke on your venom laced words I made you digest. Now say grace.

The antagonist in my story you have been like Wilson Fisk.

Tho im obviously more creative than allowed by your intelligence.

Im sorry Mr. Cooper, But I cant live with you Bradley’s in bliss.

Because this clear tablet I fed you,

Will only help you realize you’re NOT limitless…

 

 

Royce Da 6’5

1/27/2012 ©

 

Inspiration.

Thi is a song by Cee Lo Gree called Big Ole Words (damn). Its probably one of, if not my favorite song by him. It inspires me everytime i sit to write. So i figured i'd share what inspires some of my poetry.... Enjoy.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=NRxZ9gKD1oQ