To You...

No idea why this is coming to me tonight. But i feel as if lately there has been a lot going on in my life and i feel i should really thank a few certain individuals who i know have always and will always be in my corner. Without you people's belief in me i don’t know where i would be. This is my soul. My thoughts. My heart. Whenever im sitting around with the click and you might see me off in a daze (Not sleeping.lol) this is what I may be thinking about. So here goes.

 Rome.

My nigga. My Ace for my entire life. We fought together. Grew up together. Cried together. You were the only person I could come too about everything and anything for a long time. The chillin drinking with the crew after dances and after school. Even when I was pissed about coming home from Michigan and didn’t want to go to SU, you would never let me talk about it. We’d just ride around and freestyle and share 40s with the change we’d scrape up. You would tell me “Go to school Royce. This shit aint for you. You got shit you can do in life. You talented.” You were always the smartest bruh. You just didn’t have the resources I had. I love you my nigga. I know you are living a good life now with a wife. Im so proud of you. More than you will ever know. You lost your brother but im gonna always be your other brother. Never forget that.

 Southern University and Every dude that I call friends or brothers that I met at SU. Its a lot of ya’ll. You know who you are. You guys have been there and are still there for me through everything. Ima be at and in everyone of ya’ll weddings.lol One down. We gonna be old soon with fat bellies and a bunch of stories. I look forward to those day with all of you all… well not the belly part. You guys showed me a lot of things I would have never know about life, what’s right, friendship, brotherhood, and most of all myself. Whenever I get out of character you are the 1^st ones to put me on notice that “that’s not you Royce.” Thanks for knowing me and being my brothers. And the place I call my home. I’ll never forget. I got us. Trust me.

 Julie, Dionne and Corine. I love you Mom, Sis and Granny. You are my life and the inspiration of my very actions that I feel will make me a better man. When those days when It was just us and I felt it was just me, you kept me grounded. Dark house, us huddled up in the living room telling jokes by candle light. Me sneaking money in your purse. Catching you crying when you didn’t know I saw it. Even when you thought I didn’t listen. I heard you. No matter what I did. Illegally, quit the basketball team, skipping school to go hang and do nothing, or any of the numerous amount of stupid shit I did back then. You 3 held me close and never let me out of your prayers. Everything I am today and everything I will become is because of you. Continue to never let me go and keep me in your prayers. Im just happy that im in a position to do for you now. I got you. I promise.

Royce.

Or as I call you Dad. I love you dude. We’ve had our differences at times but its only because we are so much alike. I cant even type this without tearing up. But you taught me that a man cries. And any man that says he doesn’t isn’t a real man. When I was younger you were like Superman to me. You had no flaws or faults. When you and moms would fight and you’d leave you would tell me, “Im going home to Alabama for a little bit but I’ll be back.”.lol That shit is true when they say your kids will believe everything you tell them. When you went away for min. I didn’t know. But when I got old enough in HS to know what happened when you went away the second time I was so mad. I didn’t want anything to do with you. Ignore your calls and letters. I acted out. Did a bunch of things im not proud of. When you got back, I was going into senior year. We had a talk between men. Not as Father and Son, But as men. I’ll never forget that. Ever since then we’ve been best friends, father and son. And you still are Superman to me. So last year when you got sick and was in and out of the hospital I felt helpless. I prayed. More than I ever have in my life. You got better. I been praying ever since. I’ll never stop. This year when you came to me about a serious matter it changed all my plans. That was January. Its December now and its gonna carry on into next year. But know I’ll never break my word. No matter how long it takes. We got fam, each other, and God is directing our lives. You taught me that and im not going anywhere until its over.

Random: Whats That Mean?

This is just a random thought from tonight so just roll with me on this one....

Love... What does it mean? Like serious question. The term is very indefinable. it varies from person to person. It will change from relationship to relationship. "I Love You". This phrase built of 2 words and a letter can invoke many different actions. it can pull to people together. It can also push to people away. It can make you feel comfortable or make you feel a form of fear or guilt. It can be endearing, but when said by the wrong person, it can almost be insulting.

Websters defines Love as "a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> ". Ok... but really that's all well and good sounding on paper. But no where in Webster's does it say that Love is keying the side of his car or showing up at his job threatening his coworkers.

Men love different than women. Just as women love different from men. Big differences tho. Men will say I love you. And we really mean it, because we aren't going to say that to just any and every female. But most women will say I love you.... and in the same sentence say "Ohh! I LOVE these shoes!"  Some women will love the shoes more than the man! Women KEEP shoes, but want to CHANGE a man.da fuck is that? But i digress...  All this is just to say Love has no absolute definition. At least i don't think. But i know what it means to me. What does it mean to you?

~da 6'5

Single vs. Marriage = Happiness vs. Torture

I’ve been to or been invited to at least 5 weddings already and the year aint over. Plus, just recently i was one of the best men in my best friends wedding. Beautiful ceremony and union. Also i think i might have low-key had the time of my life. Having all of my friends in one place mixed with some new friends felt like i was in undergrad again. It almost made me forget that I have issues with weddings.

Weddings are practically rough for me so I normally only go to get drunk. I'm happy for the 2 people connecting under the sight of God. But It’s almost like I'm toasting to something that is so far off in the distance for myself that its really not feasible. Although, part of me is fascinated with the thought of finding someone who truly gets me. Someone who’ll be the reason my heartbeats. That missing rib that men search a lifetime to find.… But what are the odds of that happening?

This is just a little bit of the inner conflict I deal with daily between Royce and da6’5. The romantic and the realist. Nice guy vs. The Asshole. But allow me to shine some light on my neurosis.  Walk with me down this path that i may show you how perception can be the fall of any good intention, shall we? Lets...

It starts with the uneasiness and awkward feel of dating. The main problem we have in dating is not the unknown, but it’s the fact that expectation seldomly matches reality. They're 2 parallels that never truly align. Almost like Big Luther's curl... never... really curled right. They branch off into different, yet current perceptions… expectation and reality. Expectation, though we try not to have it, is the dream of a positive outcome before the action occurs. Whereas reality is the earth shattering sound of that dream breaking like glass windows falling from a sky scraper.

You see, Expectation, again, though you try not to have it, is what is conjured up while you're getting dressed. You're thinking "Man this girl is gorgeous. I know she feeling me. Shes smart. Shes funny. This is gonna be a great date." Its the hope of holding hands at the restaurant, and the great conversation had throughout dinner… Reality is the fact that this woman is a shell of her former self because her heart is irretrievably broken because of her ex and she wouldn't know a good joke if it was on the tip of her fork. Reality is the fact that you have nothing in common with the hungry soul, void of personality that’s sitting in front of you. Expectation is the walk to the door, gentle laughs to kill the silence and the kiss, maybe more depending on if you talk yourself out of the drawers (see future post) at the end of the night… Reality is the voice in your head telling you to say “im going to the bathroom” then break for the nearest exit. Reality is pulling up to her house wishing you had never picked her up. Then, before her feet are planted firmly on the ground you drive off and delete her contact info.

The basic moral of this little informative essay if you must, is that Perception is an evil bitch and reality is her lonely, hatin’ ass  friend drinking up all the Ciroc in the VIP section. Thus, because of Reality, Expectation is the biggest deception since Christopher Columbus "discovered" America…
Fin.

Happiness or Euphoria?

Here’s a question I want all you to answer for me.

Happiness
Is it an illusion, or a real emotion? Romantic types like to believe so but Realist have a different look at it. To some happiness is not an emotion. It is just a feeling of euphoria. A simple act of your brain chemistry going in overdrive. That is why so many relationships fail when the honeymoon is over and the reality kicks in. You believe you have happiness when it truly doesn’t exist and it’s nothing more that a high that you receive, or just an advanced feeling of satisfaction.
But there are those of us who choose to believe that happiness is real and you can find it anywhere, at anytime, in any place. There are those who believe that happiness is more than a feeling or an emotion. Instead to these individuals it is an escape from reality for a short time. A brief evasion of the hatred and frivolous bullshit embedded in our society today. For example, when you get news that you are a winner for something you’ve been wanting, finding a hundred dollars, or best of all, hearing I love you from the one you’ve been dying to hear it from. At that moment, just that one moment, you aren’t thinking about why you failed this test or how am i going to pay this bill.
I myself am a victim of being the second type, a hopeless Romantic until the end. Also life has made me see the realism in ALL situation of the heart. Every time you get a toe stepped on, hear a no, or get turned away, you gain wisdom. Just like everything else in life. But I like to think we all have this side in us, and at times a little bit of realist, some more than others. We live in a cynical world full of persecution and sadness. Why not believe that there is a feeling you can get, that just for a moment, or a day, or a year, you don’t have to be hardened by life's inequities. Instead you feel overjoyed.
So tell me... Is there happiness or just euphoria, are you a Romantic or a Realist. I know what I think and which one I am… What about you?