Hey Granny,
It’s me, Bundy. I hadn’t talked to you in a little while.
Not like I normally do. How are you doing? I’m sure you are just fine walking
around heaven all day. No more arthritis. No more pains. How’s Pawpo? Is Uncle
Billy making everybody laugh like always? The house seemed a little empty
without you two during the holidays. But your love and presence was still
there. How many times has Aunt Essie cheated in Spades since you’ve been up
there? She can’t be doing things like that in heaven now! I miss your smile and
your laughter at my jokes. The family is good. Dionne is doing so good. Matthew
is still lanky and talented as ever. Elijah is going off to college and I’m so
proud but I’m going to miss him. Rachel and Jaydah are getting so big and I
swear Jaydah’s becoming more and more like you every day. All she does is stay
in your room whenever she’s over at the house now. It’s really amazing. Well I’m
sure you know because you can see us all.
It’s been a little over a year since you left and I haven’t
been to visit where you rest. I don’t think I’m strong enough for that just
yet. I’m sorry I didn’t call to say Happy Birthday to you yesterday. Some
things are still hard for me. It might sadden you to know I haven’t been
praying everyday as I should either. What have I been doing? Ummm… Well… I know
you always know when I’m lying so I’ll just be honest. I’ve been wasting my
time. I know you always tell me to use my time wisely and make sure I’m
focusing on what’s worth it. But I got distracted. Put my love, trust and
emotions into fields that will never bear fruit. It’s so easy to do now a days.
My mind is constantly scattered. I’ve been looking for distractions in every
direction. Looking for something to blame for my short comings. Then when that
doesn’t work I try to take on everybody else’s problems as my own and try to
fix everything. Something else I told you I would try to stop doing, but I
can’t. I will keep on trying to though. You probably know all of this already
because you always do. You’ve always been able to make me feel bad when I’m
messing up like no one else can. It’s probably why I’ve been feeling the way I
have been. Why I’ve been struggling with my inner peace and happiness. Because
deep down, I know how you would feel seeing how off task I was. But you know my
heart. It’s too big for my own good. I got that from your daughter.
The promise I made you when you left still holds true. But it’s
taking some time to get it done. I know you see everything I’ve been doing.
Some things I hope you are proud of. Other things I know you aren’t and for
that I am sorry. I can only imagine how you must feel when you see me slip into
things I have no business doing. Things I know better than to do. It’s hard not
having you here to steer me right when you see me going left. But I know how much you smile when you see me
do better. I’m just glad that there is more good than bad that you can witness
now. Mom is doing great. We are still looking after her. Honestly she is
stronger than I’ve ever known. So much more than me. Although sometimes I see
her face and I know she’s thinking of you. Everybody is so much closer. I
didn’t even think that was possible. I know you had something to do with that
as well.
I’m sorry that I’m no closer to giving you any great grand
kids or a granddaughter in Law. But you gotta talk to the big man up there for
me. I’m sure he has something in store for me. But I know he will only deliver
it to me when I get out of the way and stop blocking my blessings by wasting
time with convenience. Oh Hey! You will be pleased to know that my writing is
coming along. I’m finally back focused on that and I just have to stay that
way. Stay focused on what’s important. I won’t let you down. Tell Uncle Billy
his talks haven’t gone in vain and I’m still listening. It was tough losing you
then him just a few months later. But I understand. He missed you that much he
needed to follow. His work was done. It was time to rest and burying him on my
birthday meant I will always share that date with his memory now, so that makes
me smile. I hope I’m making you all proud. Well, I won’t hold you up and I’ll
let you go now. I know you’ve probably got a lot planned this week because you
love a good party! Tell everybody I said hello and I miss them. I’ll check in
on you later, my G!
Happy belated
Birthday! I Love you Granny.
I miss you more than you will ever know.
