Open Up

There are a lot of beautiful people in the world. It’s a blessing when 2 can find each other and create their own happiness. They say everyone had that someone for them. If you look at the statistics and the numbers of males vs. females this is most like true. But there is a problem in all of this. We don’t know how to search and we go about it all wrong. I know you are probably reading this and thinking “Oh Lord. Yet another SINGLE person telling me what I need to do to find somebody.” Well... YOU GOT DAMN RIGHT! NO. I'm just playing. I'm not about to tell you what you are “supposed to do” like there is actually some rules and printed out guidelines for dating. This is life, not a damn classroom. You get no syllabus. Sorry. But I do want to try and get you out of your own way for a sec. Before you miss some great opportunities because you are too busy...
 



When I say we go about it wrong I don’t mean our approach. I mean the problem is us. We set the high goals and standards. Then we constantly say “Never settle”. Well if you have a list of things you “require” in a man you are going to have to eventually ”settle” for some cats and a knitting needle because you will definitely be waiting on your “Mr. Perfect” for a very long time... Unless there is some “Build a Mate” workshop in the mall I haven’t noticed. We put a requirement on everything. Age, education, religion, etc. it’s completely understandable. I wouldn’t want to date a person I couldn’t hold an educated conversation with. I wouldn’t want to be out with my girlfriend and people look at me in disgust like I’m R. Kelly chaperoning a high school prom. And I definitely don’t want to say “Thank God…” and my girl shouts back at me “THERE IS NO GOD!” Talk about an awkward silence that that would create.
But allow me to get back to my point. Some of us can get outlandish with these requests. I’ve been on dates where I’ve sat across from the girl in utter disbelief at her in-depth answer of “What do you look for in a man?” all of the blanks stares…



Some will give you the most elaborate and asinine answer imaginable. We forget the most important part. To be happy! So a person doesn’t meet all of your requirements but he/she is a great person. Why not give them a shot? Especially if that person is passionate about you. That means they will not waste their time and do what it takes to keep you happy with them. Everybody wants to be happy. No matter how they do it. Why not simplify some things in order to do so? Being too choosy will cause you to watch someone great walk right by because you can’t date a woman with a weave. Or you can’t date a man that doesn’t have 3 degrees. Who cares if she bought the hair? It’s hers now and some people can have 5 degrees and still be stupid. Stop overlooking the nice guys/girls. Like the one that texts you every morning to say just that or for you to have a great day that you look over? Or like the same one who comments on your pictures in a very nice way that you run and tell your friends “Girl look at this thirsty ass nigga.” Yeah, him. Or just the man you work with that offers to take you too lunch that you never say yes to because he doesn’t wear the best suits or drive the finest cars.
Look. I’m just saying, unless you like listening to Taylor swift in a dark apartment on a love seat by your lonesome, open up to possibilities.
Your dating life might not be so bad if you spent more time paying attention to what’s in front of you than complaining about how bad it is. Because in all actuality… it could be pretty good. You never know where your happiness lies if you don’t give yourself more wiggle room to find it. You’ll never understand the freedom and comfort of a king sized if you keep lying in the fixed position of a twin bed.
Did that analogy work?
Oh well.... You know what I'm trying to say, damnit.

Dead Skin

What is it about the New Year that gives people hope that “THIS year is going to be my year”? I mean don’t get it wrong. I wish everybody a happy New Year and want all my people to do and be better in the new days coming. But let’s just be honest. How can you claim change when you bring in the New Year doing the same shit you were doing the year before last with the same person/people you said you were trying to lose in 2013? It’s asinine. Old habits and people who are bad in your life are like having dead skin. It’s just there but you don’t want to peel it off. Like a scab, an eyes sore that everybody sees. Your friends tell you to pick that but you don’t because it’s going to leave marks. The mark is already here, love. Maybe it is time that you make a resolution to stop lying to yourself. Let’s start there.

I'm not big on making resolutions, but i made a few promises to myself. I noticed that there a few things that I really need to do differently in order to prevent the dealings of last year to repeat themselves. I'm not going to go into a lot of them but a couple of the main ones I will. “Weed out the people in your life who aren’t good for you by choice or by force.” And “Make fewer mistakes by making smarter
decisions.” Detaching yourself from some things/someone you love maybe the hardest thing to do. Take that habit. The lying or drinking that you do too much of that your friends are scared for you about? Yeah, that. Or that girl. The one who treats you second fiddle. The one who you never know what side of her you are going to get? Yeah, her. Or that guy who you know is no good for you and only wants you around for few reasons but you love his ass none the less? Yeah, him. They gotta go. I know its tough, but don't be too scared to break the chains it may have on you. I'm here to tell you, that invisible chain? You hold the bolt cutters. You just won’t use them. Same as I. We just gotta stop lying to ourselves. That’s the worst thing we do. Sadly we all lie to ourselves about something.

Decisions. I know I gotta make better ones. 2012 was a clear example of that. I learned a lot, but I had to learn by trial and error. Not this time. Legal issues. No more of those. By far the most taxing thing I’ve ever dealt with. My life is too short and mean too much to me to spend another year not in control of it. But I will say it was an experience and a wakeup call that I needed. Newton’s 3 rd Law of Motion says “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” I translate this into saying be careful how you act because whatever you do can come back to you the same or worse than before. All the more reason to think before you act. I wish success and happiness for everybody. The same for all my people. Let’s do better and not keep
doing the same things from last year expecting different results this year. That’s with people, loved ones, and your preferences. Go ahead and peel off that dead skin.

Let go, let God.

Live more, talk Less.

Do better, to be better.

*Deuces*

Dear Summer

Hey Summer…
I know you gon’ miss me….
Because ima damn sure miss you. But real talk? You really a big bitch for leaving me the flu…
That don’t change how I feel about you because my love for you is real. Even though you aren’t mine to
keep and I already knew the deal… from the moment I told you hi.
I offered to buy you a beer. We traveled all over together taking pictures everywhere.
I kissed you every chance I got, stolen or given freely. But now it’s the dreams of those stolen moments
which from I’m begging you to free me.
We learned a lot from each other this year, whether I wanted to or not.
From the laughs, the fights, the good times with my people even to the DUI that I got.
And no I can’t put that on you… But you where there through it all. So I know you gonna be mad when I
tell you I can’t bring you with me into the fall.
I hope one day you will learn that no matter how many tops you put them on, there really is NO
message at the end of the bottle.
And that I know I’ve had my fair share too. So I am in no shape a role model...
But I care enough to let you know. That, in itself is why I gotta let you go.
So now I blow out the rest of these feelings for you with the cloud of smoke from the clove I puff.
Because once you realize what we had was what it was… well shit… getting over it ain’t that tough.
I admit I didn’t know that saying goodbye to you would have to be so rough. But knowing that the
decision is what’s for the best, has shown me that what I have doing is enough.
And frankly ma, You got too many people who love you and I ain’t trying to wife no slut.
Partying, acting wild, getting too drunk, it’s evident that these hoes really do be acting up... And we all be
letting em.
Yeah I got God’s son in my heart but, his level of forgiveness, I don’t have that much. Yeah He saw past
Mary Magdalene’s faults and she was loose… facts is facts.
Does mean I gotta do the same??
Nah… Hov did that so hopefully I wouldn’t have to go through that.
Now the fact that I know ima see you again gives me some solace,
That this isn’t goodbye but more of a “see you later”.
We were tight this year, but we had our battles like Zack Morris and AC Slater.
The love I have for you is something that I will carry on into the next seasons.
From the G.O.O.D music you gave me to the women I courted for no true rhyme or reason.
But it’s time to slow down like a Bobby V. song. The sins I committed with you, in this new day I cant do
the same wrongs.
All the accolades and success that I received with you, The good times i had, the money I blew. Meeting
interesting new people everywhere I flew, to only come back home to lay in bed with you…It cant go on.
So goodbye for now and please don’t cry for me. Just show me the same love when I see you again.
Take some new losses and share some new wins.
Share the same laughs, spend some more ends.
And most importantly, give me that same kiss that made us more than friends.
         Later, Summer.

What's Your Worth?

Ever felt disrespected? Ever felt like some people you care about don’t place you or treat you like you deserve to be treated? If you find yourself feeling this way then you should really stop and look at the person having the feelings. What are you doing to make sure that those feelings aren’t true? People are only going to give what they get. Most people will treat you exactly how you show them you deserve to be treated. If you are comfortable being second fiddle, then you will be treated as such. It’s your job to stand on what you feel you deserve and nobody else’s. This is simply called “knowing your worth.”

In a lifetime we will meet people who will be in our lives and who will love and respect us genuinely. They might be friends, family, coworkers, and girlfriends/boyfriends/spouses, etc. But through all of this there is one constant… You. You are the one who has been there through all YOUR hard times. YOUR successes. YOUR failures. How can anyone, other than who looks back at you in the mirror, tell or show you they know more of what you deserve than you? Impossible. Unless that’s what you put up with.

It really boils down to what we accept and from who we accept it. If you put up with it, you deserve it. Well at least that’s what it’s going to look like. God doesn’t want that for you and neither do I. Your manager continues to drop work on your desk that is way below your pay grade? Your love interest continues to choose to go out with his/her friends and see you when it’s convenient?  Family continues to use you? Yeah. Change it! Give those files back. Stop being available for the convenient times. Stop giving they asses shit they ask for! If every time I look around a family member had a hand out I’d move to Alaska. Straight up. KNOW YOUR WORTH!

Most importantly, don’t think you are alone in this issue. It happens to everyone especially in relationships. Don’t let someone make you second guess you or your heart. You should never give someone else that much power over you. But we make excuses for those we like/love. Our friends will tell us what we are doing wrong or whats wrong with that situation, but we won’t see it. We will turn a blind eye to anything other than what we want and believe we’ve found in that person. Even when we are completely wrong and you know deep down that you are giving a lot and receiving a little. Sound like you yet? Ok…

Now here is were the gut check comes and you don’t know where it comes from. Maybe a friend finally got through. Or maybe it is from some random epiphany or moment of complete clarity. Who knows. But it’s when you ask yourself “When am I going to finally get tired of giving my all and getting half of nothing?” I can’t tell you that. But that is normally when the change comes. You start to remember who you are. You stop praying to God to fix THEM and you start asking for remembrance of the person you used to be. Then, it begins to get easier. As long as you love yourself with an agape kind of love, no one can show you anything other than what you deserve. Your family might start appreciating you more. The right Job might come along because you shined through in that interview. The right person will see that light in you. Now, that 100% you have been giving will finally get you the reciprocity you deserve. All this because of what you already knew. How much you really are worth.

Fin.

Gravity

Everybody has one person that they love spending their time with on a constant basis. Whenever one or the other is free, you try to get away for lunch or a late night breakfast or something like that. You do it just because you really want to spend time with that person. It can be a feeling of infatuation or mutual appreciation of the others company. It may even be a genuine “like” factor there. But… you ever find yourself caught up in that person? Like something is pulling you faster than you can stop it? It’s called Gravity.

Gravity is defined as “a natural phenomenon by which physical bodies attract with a force proportional to their masses.” That is deep enough in itself.smh But when that happens, that’s when it gets hard. Say the feelings aren’t necessarily mutual, like you may feel a bit more strongly for them than they do for you. Now, that’s not to say they don’t appreciate the time with you, I’m merely saying they aren’t as far along in the infatuation as you are. You are now stuck thinking of that person constantly. You long to be near them. To see that smile; hold that hand. You’re caught in their Gravitational pull.

Simply saying, don’t let gravity catch you and pull you into to someone who isn’t willing to be pulled into yours. Gravity is tough. Hard to escape. It keeps you grounded and centered in that object. Sometimes this isn’t always bad. Sometimes you want to be there because that person can be warm, loving and giving. That’s a good space to be caught in. You can grow there. and I’m sure they feel the same about yours. But some are cold and dank. There’s no room to grow. No room for the warmth of a smile to fly through and it keeps you down. Your days are spent thinking about a person who isn’t thinking about you. That’s bad space. Not your fault though. You sometimes don’t know you are there until it’s too late. You are already stuck.

I’ve taken residence in several gravitation climates. The good ones go, and the bad ones are hard to escape. Hard because you want more from them. More than they are willing to give. Of course that makes you want to venture farther into that person, thus, sucking you deeper into that bad gravity. Trust me. When you fail, don’t feel bad. That is a gravity that has taken far better than you. Stay away because when you are stuck, you are stuck. Run away while you still can before your body gets too heavy to escape.
Trust me… you’d rather walk on your own weightless moon than be grounded inside a cold, dry gravity.

Royce.
      5/9/2012

Single vs. Marriage = Happiness vs. Torture

I’ve been to or been invited to at least 5 weddings already and the year aint over. Plus, just recently i was one of the best men in my best friends wedding. Beautiful ceremony and union. Also i think i might have low-key had the time of my life. Having all of my friends in one place mixed with some new friends felt like i was in undergrad again. It almost made me forget that I have issues with weddings.

Weddings are practically rough for me so I normally only go to get drunk. I'm happy for the 2 people connecting under the sight of God. But It’s almost like I'm toasting to something that is so far off in the distance for myself that its really not feasible. Although, part of me is fascinated with the thought of finding someone who truly gets me. Someone who’ll be the reason my heartbeats. That missing rib that men search a lifetime to find.… But what are the odds of that happening?

This is just a little bit of the inner conflict I deal with daily between Royce and da6’5. The romantic and the realist. Nice guy vs. The Asshole. But allow me to shine some light on my neurosis.  Walk with me down this path that i may show you how perception can be the fall of any good intention, shall we? Lets...

It starts with the uneasiness and awkward feel of dating. The main problem we have in dating is not the unknown, but it’s the fact that expectation seldomly matches reality. They're 2 parallels that never truly align. Almost like Big Luther's curl... never... really curled right. They branch off into different, yet current perceptions… expectation and reality. Expectation, though we try not to have it, is the dream of a positive outcome before the action occurs. Whereas reality is the earth shattering sound of that dream breaking like glass windows falling from a sky scraper.

You see, Expectation, again, though you try not to have it, is what is conjured up while you're getting dressed. You're thinking "Man this girl is gorgeous. I know she feeling me. Shes smart. Shes funny. This is gonna be a great date." Its the hope of holding hands at the restaurant, and the great conversation had throughout dinner… Reality is the fact that this woman is a shell of her former self because her heart is irretrievably broken because of her ex and she wouldn't know a good joke if it was on the tip of her fork. Reality is the fact that you have nothing in common with the hungry soul, void of personality that’s sitting in front of you. Expectation is the walk to the door, gentle laughs to kill the silence and the kiss, maybe more depending on if you talk yourself out of the drawers (see future post) at the end of the night… Reality is the voice in your head telling you to say “im going to the bathroom” then break for the nearest exit. Reality is pulling up to her house wishing you had never picked her up. Then, before her feet are planted firmly on the ground you drive off and delete her contact info.

The basic moral of this little informative essay if you must, is that Perception is an evil bitch and reality is her lonely, hatin’ ass  friend drinking up all the Ciroc in the VIP section. Thus, because of Reality, Expectation is the biggest deception since Christopher Columbus "discovered" America…
Fin.