Open Up

There are a lot of beautiful people in the world. It’s a blessing when 2 can find each other and create their own happiness. They say everyone had that someone for them. If you look at the statistics and the numbers of males vs. females this is most like true. But there is a problem in all of this. We don’t know how to search and we go about it all wrong. I know you are probably reading this and thinking “Oh Lord. Yet another SINGLE person telling me what I need to do to find somebody.” Well... YOU GOT DAMN RIGHT! NO. I'm just playing. I'm not about to tell you what you are “supposed to do” like there is actually some rules and printed out guidelines for dating. This is life, not a damn classroom. You get no syllabus. Sorry. But I do want to try and get you out of your own way for a sec. Before you miss some great opportunities because you are too busy...
 



When I say we go about it wrong I don’t mean our approach. I mean the problem is us. We set the high goals and standards. Then we constantly say “Never settle”. Well if you have a list of things you “require” in a man you are going to have to eventually ”settle” for some cats and a knitting needle because you will definitely be waiting on your “Mr. Perfect” for a very long time... Unless there is some “Build a Mate” workshop in the mall I haven’t noticed. We put a requirement on everything. Age, education, religion, etc. it’s completely understandable. I wouldn’t want to date a person I couldn’t hold an educated conversation with. I wouldn’t want to be out with my girlfriend and people look at me in disgust like I’m R. Kelly chaperoning a high school prom. And I definitely don’t want to say “Thank God…” and my girl shouts back at me “THERE IS NO GOD!” Talk about an awkward silence that that would create.
But allow me to get back to my point. Some of us can get outlandish with these requests. I’ve been on dates where I’ve sat across from the girl in utter disbelief at her in-depth answer of “What do you look for in a man?” all of the blanks stares…



Some will give you the most elaborate and asinine answer imaginable. We forget the most important part. To be happy! So a person doesn’t meet all of your requirements but he/she is a great person. Why not give them a shot? Especially if that person is passionate about you. That means they will not waste their time and do what it takes to keep you happy with them. Everybody wants to be happy. No matter how they do it. Why not simplify some things in order to do so? Being too choosy will cause you to watch someone great walk right by because you can’t date a woman with a weave. Or you can’t date a man that doesn’t have 3 degrees. Who cares if she bought the hair? It’s hers now and some people can have 5 degrees and still be stupid. Stop overlooking the nice guys/girls. Like the one that texts you every morning to say just that or for you to have a great day that you look over? Or like the same one who comments on your pictures in a very nice way that you run and tell your friends “Girl look at this thirsty ass nigga.” Yeah, him. Or just the man you work with that offers to take you too lunch that you never say yes to because he doesn’t wear the best suits or drive the finest cars.
Look. I’m just saying, unless you like listening to Taylor swift in a dark apartment on a love seat by your lonesome, open up to possibilities.
Your dating life might not be so bad if you spent more time paying attention to what’s in front of you than complaining about how bad it is. Because in all actuality… it could be pretty good. You never know where your happiness lies if you don’t give yourself more wiggle room to find it. You’ll never understand the freedom and comfort of a king sized if you keep lying in the fixed position of a twin bed.
Did that analogy work?
Oh well.... You know what I'm trying to say, damnit.

Are You Willing to Change?

I’ve been blessed. My entire life I have been blessed. But sometimes I feel like I'm being skipped over in some ways, mainly the relationship field. I can’t seem to meet the right woman and I can’t seem to make heads or tails of why. I even wrote a book about love and finding it unexpectedly! I have friends who are the same way. So I had a talk with God and he told me some things about me that I needed to hear. Conversation went a little like this…

“Lord, I don’t understand. What am I doing wrong to keep meeting the wrong ones? Is it me Lord?” I asked sincerely. “Every time I feel like ‘She may be her’ something happens and I'm jarred from that dream. Maybe it’s—“

“Let me stop you right there, lil dude.“ He interrupted me. His voice was calm yet firm but was filled with more love than I’ve ever known. “Royce, you know I love you. I’ve shown you in my actions and my works how much I favor you. I'm still blessing you as we speak. But I can’t do everything for you. What I mean is that I'm not going to bless you with my daughter that I see fit for you when you are still wasting your time. I know what you want, need and deserve. I already have her in mind. She’s in the same position you are right now… waiting. But until you show me in your actions that you are ready for her, I can’t grant you that blessing because you will squander it. I put this in your hands. So go be the man I know you are and I will reward you.”

Now after that talk I’ve been thinking about where to start. Changes need to happen in order to see my true blessings come to me.  So with that being said it is time to get to work. In the past few years I’ve been faced with some serious trials. None stronger than which I couldn’t overcome, but each has taught me something. Something I didn’t know about myself but needed. My dreams are starting to unfold in my life. This chess game I’ve been playing is starting to tip in my favor. I’ve been blessed enough to have the right knights and bishops on my side. I’ve used my pawns strategically to take different Ls and Ws for me. But it’s hard to win the game with no queen on the board.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” This is my favorite scripture. Change is scary. But the right changes aren’t. Time to take that long look in the mirror and accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, you aren’t there yet. You say that you care? Well show me. Stop pushing and pulling. Don’t continue to stretch what can’t be stretched any farther. Are you really willing to change?

Random: Whats That Mean?

This is just a random thought from tonight so just roll with me on this one....

Love... What does it mean? Like serious question. The term is very indefinable. it varies from person to person. It will change from relationship to relationship. "I Love You". This phrase built of 2 words and a letter can invoke many different actions. it can pull to people together. It can also push to people away. It can make you feel comfortable or make you feel a form of fear or guilt. It can be endearing, but when said by the wrong person, it can almost be insulting.

Websters defines Love as "a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2): attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3): affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> ". Ok... but really that's all well and good sounding on paper. But no where in Webster's does it say that Love is keying the side of his car or showing up at his job threatening his coworkers.

Men love different than women. Just as women love different from men. Big differences tho. Men will say I love you. And we really mean it, because we aren't going to say that to just any and every female. But most women will say I love you.... and in the same sentence say "Ohh! I LOVE these shoes!"  Some women will love the shoes more than the man! Women KEEP shoes, but want to CHANGE a man.da fuck is that? But i digress...  All this is just to say Love has no absolute definition. At least i don't think. But i know what it means to me. What does it mean to you?

~da 6'5